Not necessarily in a bad way. Just normal. I started this day giving Mom her meds and tucking her back in as I always do. Then I watered my plants and put seeds out for the birds and squirrels. I made a cup of coffee and sat down to read my emails while I watched the critter show through the French doors when I really should be writing.
It’s the day before Thanksgiving for me here in Florida in the United States. We usually share the holiday with Mom’s family. This year, I’m finally getting to cook for us. Nothing extravagant. Just a small meal for two. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for fifteen years; but couldn’t because I worked retail. Let’s be honest, Mom wouldn’t let me because of how I worked. She wanted me to rest up to work the Black Friday sales I hated so much. If you want to see people behaving badly this is the perfect time. Since I no longer work outside the home, I’m getting my wish and I’m truly grateful for that.
It was an email from my best friend this morning that got me thinking about gratitude. Real gratitude. Not the platitude that often masquerades as that emotion. My friend had a leg amputated last year due to illness and nothing has gone right since. He recently developed a staph infection which thankfully is getting better. He’s a dynamic professional, and always has been, so this situation is particularly hard on him. I’m fortunate we’re still so close since we haven’t seen each other face-to-face in close to eighteen years.
Given what he’s going through, it’s hard to offer encouragement without sounding trite. However, the fact he’s alive with hope and something to fight for – namely his health and the opportunity to jumpstart the writing career he’s already started – is something to be grateful for. The fact that he can retire from his old career financially sound with the luxury of starting his new career without needing a day job is another blessing. It’s up to him to find the positive in the negatives and the sweet scent in the crappy hand life dealt him. That’s what we all have to do and that’s what I tried to encourage him to do. Find hope in his situation and cling to it until things get better.
As I sit here musing, I’m grateful I’m home taking care of my mom. It’s hard sometimes. I’m a free spirit who likes to come and go as I please. However, I’m also good at being solitary as long as I get those nature walks. I’m grateful I don’t want or need much at this stage in my life. I’m grateful that attitude ensures I have money to give every month to help other people. I’m grateful I’m no longer young enough to get swept up in the turmoil wracking our country. I’m in a different place mentally and emotionally and I won’t apologize for that. I right wrongs in my own way and I’m grateful to have those opportunities.
In a world where everything is a cause waiting to happen, I prefer my causes to be ones where I can do immediate good. That the tears I cry and the frustration I feel over the state of the world isn’t useless. I’m grateful I have money to pour into feeding people, giving them water, helping them to support their families and put a roof over their heads, and provide disaster relief here in my country and abroad. Having been homeless for a short time a few years ago, my heart is for helping legitimate organizations with boots on the ground that give the hopeless some degree of hope. Even though I don’t materially have what I once had, I have more than so many people and I want to share. Life is about so much more than me.
That’s what I’m truly grateful for – that I understand that now. I’m at a point in my life where I happily give of myself to take care of my mom (my ex-mother-in-law) and I happily give from my finances to help people I will never meet. Feeling that way doesn’t come naturally. Given the abuses I’ve suffered in my life, there is an incredibly selfish part of me that wants to shout “what about me?”. I want this and I want that. I’ve lost so much I’m entitled to have what I want.
Sometimes, it’s couched as more of a “need”. Right. Honestly, I have to remind that part of me that I already have more than I need. If it’s a true need like replacing worn out sneakers – then I replace the sneakers. I’m not that selfless. However, most of the time, that need is an unnecessary want and I know I’ll get more pleasure out of giving than receiving so I give. It takes making a conscious effort to feel that way. A conscious choice. However, that soul tug within me that wants to do my part to make this world a better place keeps me straight and that’s another thing I thank God for. That He reawakened that part of me that I’d shut down somewhere along the way.
If you get anything from this mishmash of thoughts and feelings, please be grateful for the seemingly insignificant things we take for granted.
We have so much to be grateful for in America even when we can’t see it. Cherish your friends and family. Hold them close and let them know you love them. Remember the loved ones who are no longer here with joy for the time you did have with them. Even though holidays are bittersweet, I remember my mother (not my ex-mother-in-law I call “Mom” now) who died in 1996 with a full heart and I wish she was here to hold me. That feeling never goes away. Spend quality time together without cell phones and technology. Hug your pets. Forget the Black Friday sales in favor of family. For the most part, the best prices have already come and gone with those Pre-Black Friday Black Friday sales! I worked retail until recently, so I know that’s true.
Anyways, it’s time to go. Thanks for reading. I won’t apologize for being all over the place. That’s me. I will say, “Happy Thanksgiving!” if you celebrate and I wish you were here if you don’t.
Until next time,
Calla
Tori Lennox Author 