A bit of that. With how I feel this morning, that’s how this post will be. All over the place. As I sit here watching squirrels and birds grazing in my patio garden, I’m content in the moment. There’s something about being told off by a woodpecker because the bird feeder is lacking I find funny. I’m not as amused by the ravenous pole-dancing fur ball that loves to decimate said feeder when there’s plenty of food set out for him. I’m also not as happy my tiny titmice aren’t as pleased with the new “squirrel free” feeder as I’d hope they would be. The birds prefer competing with my Kamikaze woodpecker pair for their shot at the feeder. I’m hoping my little friends will grow to appreciate both feeders. I don’t know if that’s going to happen. Time will tell. It usually takes a while for the feather babies to warm up to anything new. They still aren’t sure if I’m friend or foe even though I feed them.
In the interim, I’m enjoying the constant insanity of bobbing morning doves on my patio, obnoxious blue jays dive bombing my mulch every now and then, and my beloved cardinal love bugs who visit several times a day. They have a special place in my heart because Daddy Red watches over his plump little princess from a higher perch every time they come calling. He even feeds her sometimes which makes my heart melt and I’m not really a heart melting kind of girl. Daddy Red likes to feed on the feeder and bathe in the bird bath while he watches over his mate. Little Girl prefers her seeds from a pie plate on the patio and her bath from the puddle accumulating in the seat of a plastic chair. As insignificant as this sounds, it makes me smile since this is as close to the country as I can get living in town and I cherish every moment.
I haven’t written for a while because I’ve gone through some health issues for close to three weeks. It started with a fairly bad autoimmune flare and ended with an unexpected issue that physically wiped me out as much as the flare. As annoying as being useless is, it wasn’t all bad. While I didn’t get my novel submitted as I’d hoped, I did realize I needed to change a couple of things and I got started on my synopsis. So, not all bad. I had a lot of time to think while I rested as well.
The biggest thing on my mind was the contents of this blog and how it might affect my ability to sell my books. I became concerned that my more conservative values aren’t in sync with what people want to hear. That my opinions might be deemed offensive. In the end, I decided not to change a thing. There are a lot of ideas and opinions in this world that offend me and some that, offense aside, are just plain wrong in a reality that has any sense of honor or integrity. Any absolutes. However, other people are entitled to hold any belief they want. I respect that right. All that I ask is to be allowed the same courtesy.
I think that attitude comes from being old enough and grounded enough to realize my life isn’t all about me. I remind myself of that daily. Maybe that I’ve given up everything in terms of my job and my personal income to take care of my “Mom” reminds me of that. Every time I struggle with how narrow my world has become, I’m hit with how much more content I am with my daily life now. I feel a great sense of gratitude to God for making it possible for me to be here with my ex-mother-in-law giving her the life and the dignity she deserves. She’s doing great. It doesn’t matter my boss and my co-workers thought I was nuts for doing it. I’ve walked away from everything I spent seven years building with the conviction even if it’s sometimes scary, you have to find joy where you are and I’m doing that.
Back to the blog thing, I’ve decided in a world where very little is honest or concrete, I need to be both. I don’t blog for the “likes” or the views or the comments although receiving any of those puts a smile on my face. I blog with the hope something I say will positively impact someone out there in some way. I blog because I want to remind myself how far I’ve come from the irreparably damaged woman I used to be. I blog because it keeps me writing and makes me feel like I’m following some part of my calling. While I’m not really out there in the world due to family commitments, my “voice” can be. Even in the darkest years of my life, I tried to help others. Offer comfort and encouragement in a crazy world. I couldn’t heal myself; but I tried to heal others. I’m still doing the little I can the only way I can at the moment. I write these nutty little blogs.
In closing, it’s taken me several days to finish this post because I was slogging through writing a novel synopsis and a cover letter as well as doing the final edit of my first three chapters. I had to make sure my submission was up to snuff. As you can imagine, that’s the hardest part of writing. It wasn’t fun at all; but I was so happy when I finished. Not only finished. I was satisfied with my work. That was a feeling I didn’t think I’d have.
I emailed my novel submission to the publishing house at 9:30 E.T. this morning. What a way to celebrate my 57th birthday! Now, the waiting starts. We’ll see what happen. In the meantime, I have three completed novels to edit so I have my work cut out for me!
Until next time,
Calla
Tori Lennox Author 