And she loved doing it. While that passion has faded, for a few years it was a big part of her life. The part that got her back into writing and expressing herself. That made her believe she could write again. She’ll always be grateful for that gift and maybe, just maybe, she’ll return someday to finish those tales still waiting for Jane and Lisbon to get their loving closure. She’s certainly tempted every time that random positive review rolls in.
Obviously, that “girl” was me and taking those beloved characters for a creative spin gave me purpose in a time of great pain and betrayal when I was struggling to find a glimmer of the woman I’d always been in the woman I’d become. While I’ll always be grateful for the escape the show and the writing gave me, for the most part, I’ve moved on. I’m in a different place in my life. I know who I am and it’s far more pleasurable to read fanfic than to write it.
While I saw a lot of evils in fanfic and experienced some of it as a writer, I don’t regret any of the time I spent writing my fantasies. I grew a lot as a writer and as a person. For a while, I had some wonderful imaginary friends and I grew a tougher skin where my writing was concerned. I also learned to stay the course in spite of the trolls. There were a lot of trolls. There still are and they’re horrible people in my opinion. I saw so many potentially good writers abandon writing thanks to them and that hurt my soul. Honestly, I contemplated doing that myself on several occasions.
However, I should admit I invited the trolls in several ways. The first was by responding like the thin-skinned writer I was. My stories were my babies and I was fiercely protective of them. The second way I invited the trolls is I didn’t work with a beta largely because my writing was my escape and it was freeform. I wasn’t trying to present a polished piece. I couldn’t at that time if I’d wanted. I was simply trying to get back into the process after many years away. I wrote an A/N to that affect and acknowledged there would be a lot of mistakes, etc., because I was just trying to get the piece out while I could. The third way I invited the trolls was by pushing the envelope on my characterizations of Jane and Lisbon by putting them in difficult situations and having them act accordingly. The trolls, and the genuinely affronted readers who didn’t believe people could act differently in unusual situations, had a fit with all that. As put out as I got with the stupidity, when I look back I see how much I grew during those times as both a writer and a person. The biggest thing I learned was to take criticism better whether justified or not.
I still read fanfic and there are some wonderful writers out there. At this point, I only read in a couple of fandoms that don’t include the one I wrote for. I actually gave up reading The Mentalist fanfic many years ago when I didn’t want other people’s ideas unconsciously creeping into my stories. I did that because a reviewer pointed out that my story was similar to another author’s story in a way that strongly hinted at plagiarism. After checking out the referenced work, I realized they were two totally different stories based on the same familiar trope. Other than the fact we both started with a “nothing new under the sun” idea, neither of us had taken anything from the other. Added to that, I started posting my story before she did so I wasn’t the one who would have plagiarized anything in the first place. I didn’t bother pointing any of that out. I posted an A/N announcing I would no longer read The Mentalist fanfics so any similarities to anyone’s story was coincidence. I kept my word and no one ever tried to accuse me of plagiarism without actually saying the words again. However my love of reading TM fanfics was tainted from that point forward.
On a more pleasant note, every now and then I get a review that strokes my ego and makes me want to finish the story they’ve written about. I got one of those yesterday. There’s nothing like someone telling you of all the fanfic they’ve read, you’ve done the best characterization of Lisbon they’ve ever read. It makes you want to go back and roll in that story until it’s done.
However, sometimes reviews come in that are doubt-edged swords. I had one of those the other day. The reviewer told me how much they enjoyed the story then informed me Lisbon was much harsher than she’d ever been on the show and she didn’t believe she’d be the way I portrayed her. However, she still thought it was a great story in spite of that. I wrote her a very nice response thanking her for her review and for appreciating the story. I also shared with her that, while I agreed with her assessment, at the time I wrote that story I followed my muse which dictated that was the way the story flowed.
Where I am now versus where I was at the time I wrote that story is huge. My feelings would have been hurt back in the day. Now, I really appreciate that someone is still reading my stories and enjoying them. I also appreciate she took the time out of her life to let me know how she felt. I genuinely appreciate her opinion and stand by the fact that was how the story downloaded in my mind characterizations and all. I remained true to my vision and that means not everyone is going to like it. However, that’s an integral part of telling a good story – remaining true to the vision.
Anyways, once upon a time there was a girl who wrote fanfiction…now she writes novels.
Until next time,
Calla
Tori Lennox Author 