It’s been a while since I’ve written with good cause. My Mom had another stroke the first week in November. Fortunately, I recognized the signs in time to get her to the hospital in time to prevent any serious damage. Actually, I give that credit to God and the wonderful medical professionals she had this time around. In spite of how well she was doing, it took a few days to get my Mom stable. After that, she was sent upstairs to Rehab where she proceeded to have an issue they feared was another stroke not an hour later. My Mom was sent back downstairs to the hospital where they finally determined it was a seizure instead. After wading through another few days of blood pressure issues, she finally responded favorably to a new combination of medications. My Mom finally went back to Rehab somewhere around the middle of November where she did very well. Eventually, she was released on November 28, 2020, thanks to her wonderful doctors, nurses, and therapists.
While I worked full time throughout her hospitalization, my whole world changed when my Mom was discharged. I’d been struggling with the feeling I should be doing more with my life for a long time. Don’t get me wrong. I was where I was for a season and a reason. I’ve prayed for a lot of people who’ve crossed my path at work over the years. I’ve encouraged a lot of people along the way as well. However, I’ve known it was time to move on for a while. I just haven’t felt compelled to find a new job. To leave the financial security my job afforded me especially with a pandemic ravaging the world. My Mom’s illness changed my perspective on a lot things.
To make a long story short, we were confronted with the reality my Mom can no longer live alone without constant supervision due to her condition and her medications. Her mind is great and she’s mobile with her rollater. In fact, she’s doing great to be almost 92. There’s just a lot of things she can’t do for herself like prepare her meals. Forget the special diet she’s on. There’s also the risk of falls which could be deadly due to her medications and her age. You might wonder what all of that has to do with me. The answer is a lot. She made it very clear she wanted me to become her caretaker since I’ve lived with her fourteen years and I’m familiar with those almost imperceptible signs something is wrong. After a lot of soul searching and prayer, I’ve honored her wish. I worked my two week notice and came home permanently ten days ago. Just long enough for the reality of what I’ve done to sink in.
Contrary to what you might think, I’m at peace with my decision. I know it’s what I’m supposed to do. More than that, it’s what I want to do. I know it won’t be easy, but I’m grateful God has made a way for us to tighten our belts and make it. I’m also grateful to have the opportunity to do something so worthwhile with my life. To repay some of the love my “Mom” gave a hurt, angry woman all those years ago. The love she still gives every day.
I don’t really have a lot to say in this post. It’s just an update, and I hope, a little encouragement that no matter what happens, you can get through it. You have to believe that and persevere. I’m at the point where I’ve literally had to let go and let God. But that doesn’t mean I’m at the mercy of this season of change. I still have to be responsible. I also to be a good steward of everything coming into my hands in ways I haven’t been in the past. That’s a lesson I’ve been gradually learning over the last few years. As up in the air as things are in my life at the moment, I’m sleeping better than I have in a while.
I think that’s because my life finally feels like it’s falling into place. I’m enjoying being with my Mom, getting a lot done around the house, and I’m wrapping up a novel I plan to submit in a couple of months. The writing has flowed easier, with more clarity, than it has in years. I think that might be because I’m where I’m supposed to be doing what I’m supposed to be doing so I’m finally at peace. There’s something to be said about abandoning my preconceived ideas of success and just operating in love. As counter intuitive as this sounds, there will be plenty of time for me when my Mom no longer needs me,
I’ll post again soon. As I said, I just wanted to let everyone know I haven’t abandoned my blog. I’ve just had my hands full with real life. To be honest, I’ve been struggling a little with staying in that good place. It’s been a year filled with ups and downs of every kind. There have been so many times when I’ve looked up from the challenges only to realize I’d drifted farther away from God than I wanted to be. Even at this time of year. I had to correct my course several times. Several times I’ve had to remind myself as bad as it seems, it could be so much worse. That I still have so much to be grateful for. You see, there’s one thing I learned the hard way, and that’s while I might (briefly) take my hand off of God, He never takes His hand off of me.
He won’t take His hand off of you either.
Calla
Tori Lennox Author 