I’ve already taken those first tentative steps by putting Been There, Done That on Amazon. I haven’t started advertising it or pushing it in anyway. I still have one or two things I need to do before I do that. One of them is to honor my initial promise to write about my life and the lessons I’ve learned on this blog. I could say, with Dorian looming, I wasn’t in the frame of mind to deal with anything that serious. I’m not a liar; so, I won’t. The truth is it’s far easier to write about where I am now than revisit where I was then. But, I’m a big girl wearing her big girl panties, so I can only procrastinate so long. It’s finally time to bite that bullet. So, here I go. Well, almost.
Before I really start writing what I should, I need to say a couple of things. First, I’m not a supporter of movements or mind sets that think vengeance and unforgiveness make everything all right. Neither of those things undo what’s already done nor do they heal those jagged gashes in the soul. I’ve walked the unforgiveness path and it doesn’t work. It only makes you someone you’d never choose to be.
However, I’m also not saying criminals shouldn’t be punished for their crimes. Don’t think that for a minute. There’s a right way to do it. One that doesn’t destroy the survivor through bitterness and hate. Again, that’s my opinion. It’s one I reached after forty years of struggle when I finally found peace. You don’t have to agree. That’s what makes life interesting…the differences between us.
The second thing I need to say is I’m not a feminist – not as the term is defined today. I do believe in equal pay, equal opportunity, and a few other tenets I won’t go into here. I know, as a woman, I’m as capable and intelligent as any man. I don’t, however, embrace some of the more radical elements of that movement. I am feministic in the sense that I believe women can do anything. Survive almost anything. Live to fight another day when they’d rather die instead. I’ve been there so many times that mindset became boring. However, it’s why I’m still alive. I couldn’t give in. There was some spark deep inside that fought to live when the rest of me wanted to die. I tie a lot of that to the fact I am a woman and to the inner strength I learned from my mother and her mother before her.
You might wonder why I’m telling you all this, and I’m not sure it’s obvious. It’s because these are the beliefs that shaped my life and made me who I am. These are the beliefs that have allowed me to move past being molested, beaten, given to other men by a well-educated, white collar husband who should have loved me and almost destroyed me instead. The list goes on. And these are the beliefs that eventually allowed me to forgive my tormentors. But, more importantly, these are the beliefs that allowed me to forgive myself.
Now, that I’ve done the set-up, I’ll start posting what I need to say in the coming blogs. I’m finally in that frame of mind where the words will flow.
Until next time.
Calla
Tori Lennox Author 